Congratulations! You’ve finally decided it is time for a change and it feels great! You want to eat healthier and exercise more regularly. But there is only one problem- your spouse. If your spouse is not ready to make these changes with you, moving forward with your healthy lifestyle habits can be a bit more challenging, especially when dinnertime rolls around and you can’t agree on what to eat.
“If one person in a relationship is ready to make a change it can be difficult for the other and bring up their own insecurities about their health or eating habits,” said Bonnie Buckingham, a registered dietitian. “When you announce your new plans, your partner might feel anxious about change or worry about how it might impact the relationship.”
Begin with a discussion
You can begin by gently letting your partner know that making these healthy lifestyle changes is really important to you because you want to be able to live a long and healthy life. Let him/her know that you want them to be a part of this change so you can both live prosperous lives. Be sure to listen to any questions or concerns they may have. Never accuse. Listen without judgement. A good rule of thumb is to stick to phrases such as ‘I feel ___’ instead of ‘When you do ___’. Discuss your goals and start small. You may be tempted to change everything in the pantry all at once but this could end up scaring your partner away from the idea all together. Remember, baby steps!
Gentle communication is key! If you are the primary cook, your partner may be afraid that his favorite foods will become a thing of the past. If your partner is the primary cook, he/she may be feeling anxious and worried about having to learn entirely new recipes. Talk about how you can address these issues in ways that make sense to both of you.
Instead of using the word “diet”, which can trigger negative thoughts of plain old salad, try talking about cooking! There are so many different healthy ethnic foods you can make that will definitely hit the spot and will taste even better than the food you are used to!
Fun Fact: A new study showed that women who had supportive partners actually had increased motivation and weightloss.
Execute Change Thoughtfully
If you are the main cook at home, try swapping the vegetable oil with olive oil or adding a new vegetable to the side of what you normally cook. Chances are, your partner won’t even notice the difference. If you aren’t the primary cook, maybe it is time to learn or at least help in the process. If you are worried that you may not be the best cook, try taking a cooking class or ordering from Hello Fresh. You never know- your partner may even want to do this with you.
Instead of going out to dinner for date nights, maybe you can switch it up with going hiking, biking, swimming, or even fishing. It will keep you active while providing your body with some much needed vitamin D.
Show Them How to Love You
Your partner may want to support you but be completely unaware that they are compromising your healthy choices. Sometimes my husband brings home fast food for dinner. I know he does this out of the goodness of his heart so I can have a break but it really isn’t helpful to me. Instead of getting upset, I calmly remind him that my body does not react well to processed food. We talk about different restaurants near our home that have healthier choices for the next time he decides to bring back take out. If your partner likes to bring home gifts such as candy and chocolates, you can gently remind him/her that flowers or books are great options as well!
It really takes a lot of trial and error to make such a huge change in your lives. Keep communicating through the process while practicing love and patience. It will definitely benefit you both in the long run.